August 10, 2020

President Trump To Play Multiple Roles In ‘The Wizard of Oz’ Remake

Hollywood caught the entertainment world off guard yesterday when it announced that it had concluded filming on a remake of the much-loved movie, The Wizard of Oz. Even more shocking is the news that most of the roles in the movie will be played by the President of the United States.

A spokesman for the studio that is overseeing the reboot, Kushner Kushner & Kushner, explained the logic behind the decision: “During the auditions we made it clear that we only wanted to use actors whose personality traits closely matched those of the characters they were playing. The President was perfect for so many of them”, he added, “that we thought it was too good an opportunity to miss.”

Whilst at first glance this might seem like a risky strategy, especially as it relates to the remake of such a treasured movie, if you think hard enough the studio’s bold casting decisions do appear to make real sense:

Dorothy (played by Donald J. Trump):

This is the role that the President was most keen to secure. In the original, Dorothy was the plucky kid from a Kansas farming background who triumphs over evil. With an election looming, Trump is desperate to cement the support of his base in rural America and saw no problem in donning pigtails and a dress for a role that he feels certain will help him secure their votes.

The Cowardly Lion (played by Donald J. Trump):

Who better to play a character whose in-your-face, I’ll fight anyone exterior hides the fact that they’re actually 100% yellow-bellied chicken than the man who avoided the Vietnam war draft because he had ‘bone-spurs’?

The Tin Man (played by Donald J. Trump):

When producers were looking for an actor to play the role of the character that had no heart they couldn’t have landed on a better match than the President of the United States. Heck, on an almost daily basis he proves beyond reasonable doubt that he has no empathy and, yes, no heart whatsoever.

The Scarecrow (played by Donald J. Trump):

A bumbling idiot who has no idea what he’s doing because he doesn’t have a brain? Come on, casting doesn’t get much easier than this!

The Wizard of Oz (played by Donald J. Trump):

Who else could take on the role of a self-proclaimed all powerful being who is subsequently revealed to in fact be a charlatan than the man who has been randomly pulling at levers for the last four years?

The Wicked Witch of the West (played by Donald J. Trump):

Nasty? Evil? Vindictive? Strangely colored skin? It’s impossible to imagine an actor more suited to the role than the President. The flying monkeys are also the perfect metaphor for the rest of the Republican Party.

Toto the Dog (played by Mike Pence):

In one of the few key roles not to be taken by President Trump, the Vice President will play Dorothy’s lapdog, Toto. NEWS of the NEWS understands that in the reboot Toto will still pull at a curtain to discover that the ‘Wizard’ is really a sad, helpless man massively out of his depth but, in a departure from the original movie, will keep the information to himself.

Glinda, The Good Witch of the North (played by Hillary Clinton):

No matter how hard the movies’ producers tried to adapt the role to make it suitable for President Trump, they couldn’t quite get it right. Our reporters understand that in desperation and, ironically, following a majority vote by the studio’s executives, Hillary Clinton was brought in as a last minute replacement. Early reports suggest that her more purposeful take on the role could divide audiences due to a lack of ‘likability’.

The Munchkins (played by the Republican Party):

When searching for the right people to play the much-loved Munchkins, the movies’ producers wanted to ensure they used actors that an audience could genuinely believe were gullible enough to go along with whatever they were told and that would struggle to stand tall with the people around them. The GOP were the perfect fit.

So what will audiences make of the Trump-centric remake? We’ll find out when the movie is released in September.