Hand sanitiser causes cancer, say scientists
As if life wasn’t tough enough, a team of German scientists released a controversial report…
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Vegan at Christmas party waits 3 minutes before mentioning her dietary preferences, breaking previous world record
A woman from South London has set a new world record after waiting almost three…
Smelly Shitmas!
The festive season is rapidly approaching and throughout the country people are waking up to…
Rudy Giuliani to play ‘Ghost of Accelerated Cognitive Decline’ in ‘A Christmas Carol’ adaptation
NEWS of the NEWS understands that the former Mayor of New York and current attorney…
New Coronavirus vaccine has 99% effectiveness but needs to be stored in treacle on the moon
There was further positive news today with reports of a vaccine that has a 99%…
God congratulates Joe Biden on election victory
In a move that has angered Trump supporters, God took the unprecedented step yesterday of…
President Trump to assume Lizard-like form if he wins second term
NEWS of the NEWS understands that US President, Donald Trump, is making plans to shapeshift…
Populist Leaders Plan Piss-Up In Brewery
The world’s populist leaders have joined forces to arrange a party at a brewery. NEWS…
Dying for a pint? Reopening of pubs could make that wish come true
The ‘R rate’ might still be close to 1 but that hasn’t stopped the British…
95% of football fans ‘couldn’t give a sh*t’ about Premier League restarting
With the 2019-20 Premier League season set to restart this week, NEWS of the NEWS…