Bloke watching women’s athletics on TV definitely not looking at their tits or fannies
A man in his 40s who has decided to watch a women’s athletics event on…
Sport
Football didn’t come home
NEWS of the NEWS is sad to report that football didn’t come home last night….
Nice guy Gareth Southgate ‘total filth in the bedroom’, alleges former lover
He’s the most successful England manager in nearly 60 years, the man almost single-handedly uniting…
England v Denmark: The tabloid newspaper guide to which country is best off the pitch
Thursday’s Euro 2024 match promises to be a belter as tournament favourites England take on…
Premier League to introduce green cards, allowing referees to instantly grant foreign players permanent UK residency and working rights
In a flurry of rule changes this week, Premier League referees are to be given…
New sitcom about farcical football club actually just documentary about Everton FC
It has been revealed that a new sitcom that was thought to chronicle the farcical…
Chelsea sack Graham Potter
News of the News understands that the London-based club has sacked its new manager, Graham…
England fans once again prove why they’re the best in the world
In the face of Euro 2020 cup final defeat, England’s band of happy-go-lucky fans once…
New generation of England fans learns meaning of the phrase ‘It’s the hope that kills you’
A whole new generation woke this morning to a sensation that the rest of us…
Welsh, Scots and Northern Irish planning perfectly normal, uneventful Sunday
The people of Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland collectively woke this morning to the expectation…