Scientists confirm most hotel beds 95% semen
A report released today suggests that the beds of most UK hotels are predominantly made…
Lifestyle
“What d’ya mean, it’s just a normal weekend?”, says Britain
Following consecutive Bank Holiday weekends, people up and down the UK woke this morning to…
Amazon introduces breathalyser to prevent ‘pissed purchasing’
The online retail giant, Amazon, has responded to pressure from consumer groups by introducing a…
Man in his 50s losing ongoing battle with nasal hair
A 51 year old man from Newport Pagnell has confirmed that he is losing his…
Easter ‘just a shit version of Christmas’, say kids
NEWS of the NEWS spoke with a cross-section of Britain’s children and asked them what…
Cars to run on Fabergé eggs in bid to cut the cost of motoring
As motorists up and down the UK will have noticed, global instability has led to…
Bloke who secretly despises his job receives cufflinks, pen and a tie-clip for his birthday
A man who outwardly appears to be the epitome of white collar success but who…
Brits set to take part in unprecedented number of ‘business meetings’ over Christmas period
Following Downing Street’s recent announcement that a photo showing the Prime Minister and others enjoying…
F**k this craft beer bollocks
Brits have finally had enough of craft beer. That’s the message coming through loud and…
Happy Herd Immunity Day!
NEWS of the NEWS wishes all of its readers a Happy Herd Immunity Day! With…