February 29, 2024

“What d’ya mean, it’s just a normal weekend?”, says Britain

Following consecutive Bank Holiday weekends, people up and down the UK woke this morning to the realisation that this one consists of only two days.


Jamie Culver from York told NEWS of the NEWS: “I’m looking at my calendar but there’s clearly been a mistake. We get Monday too, right?”


Emma Wilson from Colchester was similarly confused: “I thought we were now able to get shitfaced on three consecutive days without having to go to work on the Monday. What’s happening?”


Tom Evans from Swansea summed it up for most of us: “I’m not sure I’m capable of working five days on the trot anymore”, he said. “Fuck it, I’m gonna get wankered and phone in sick on Monday!”