Sausages ‘just dick-shaped hamburgers’ says food expert 
UK’s influence over US now limited to re-runs of The Benny Hill Show 
Musk to remove parts of own body in bid to make it more efficient 
Bloke watching women’s athletics on TV definitely not looking at their tits or fannies 
Amazon introduces breathalyser to prevent ‘pissed-up purchasing’ 
World leaders to be replaced by omnipresent QR code 
Woman literally cannot drink water unless it’s from a Gymshark bottle 
Football didn’t come home 
Nice guy Gareth Southgate ‘total filth in the bedroom’, alleges former lover 
England v Denmark: The tabloid newspaper guide to which country is best off the pitch 
Attractive female Asian dentist ‘chosen at random’ for TV commercial, says major toothpaste manufacturer 
Easter Bunny Found Dead 
Easter ‘just a shit version of Christmas’, say kids 
Premier League to introduce green cards, allowing referees to instantly grant foreign players permanent UK residency and working rights 
Scientists confirm most hotel beds 95% semen Sausages ‘just dick-shaped hamburgers’ says food expert
The much-loved sausage, the meaty treat enjoyed all over the world, has become the subject…
UK’s influence over US now limited to re-runs of The Benny Hill Show
With President Trump’s second term in office now in full swing, the US’s newly hostile…
Musk to remove parts of own body in bid to make it more efficient
Elon Musk is officially on a body remodel spree, planning to ditch anything he deems “excess baggage,” including his left ear, leg, and even brain regions responsible for kindness. Next stop: a head in a rocket ball!
Bloke watching women’s athletics on TV definitely not looking at their tits or fannies
A man in his 40s who has decided to watch a women’s athletics event on…
Amazon introduces breathalyser to prevent ‘pissed-up purchasing’
The online retail giant, Amazon, has responded to pressure from consumer groups by introducing a…
World leaders to be replaced by omnipresent QR code
In a shock move, the various leaders of planet earth have agreed to be replaced…
Woman literally cannot drink water unless it’s from a Gymshark bottle
A 22 year old woman from London has confirmed that she is unable to drink…
Football didn’t come home
NEWS of the NEWS is sad to report that football didn’t come home last night….
Nice guy Gareth Southgate ‘total filth in the bedroom’, alleges former lover
He’s the most successful England manager in nearly 60 years, the man almost single-handedly uniting…
England v Denmark: The tabloid newspaper guide to which country is best off the pitch
Thursday’s Euro 2024 match promises to be a belter as tournament favourites England take on…