Bloke watching women’s athletics on TV definitely not looking at their tits or fannies 
Amazon introduces breathalyser to prevent ‘pissed-up purchasing’ 
World leaders to be replaced by omnipresent QR code 
Woman literally cannot drink water unless it’s from a Gymshark bottle 
Football didn’t come home 
Nice guy Gareth Southgate ‘total filth in the bedroom’, alleges former lover 
England v Denmark: The tabloid newspaper guide to which country is best off the pitch 
Attractive female Asian dentist ‘chosen at random’ for TV commercial, says major toothpaste manufacturer 
Easter Bunny Found Dead 
Easter ‘just a shit version of Christmas’, say kids 
Premier League to introduce green cards, allowing referees to instantly grant foreign players permanent UK residency and working rights 
Scientists confirm most hotel beds 95% semen 
Disney+ to air 24 part series chronicling the exploits of Chewbacca’s left testicle 
New sitcom about farcical football club actually just documentary about Everton FC 
Woman who just got back from a run desperate to tell you the route she took Bloke watching women’s athletics on TV definitely not looking at their tits or fannies
A man in his 40s who has decided to watch a women’s athletics event on…
Amazon introduces breathalyser to prevent ‘pissed-up purchasing’
The online retail giant, Amazon, has responded to pressure from consumer groups by introducing a…
World leaders to be replaced by omnipresent QR code
In a shock move, the various leaders of planet earth have agreed to be replaced…
Woman literally cannot drink water unless it’s from a Gymshark bottle
A 22 year old woman from London has confirmed that she is unable to drink…
Football didn’t come home
NEWS of the NEWS is sad to report that football didn’t come home last night….
Nice guy Gareth Southgate ‘total filth in the bedroom’, alleges former lover
He’s the most successful England manager in nearly 60 years, the man almost single-handedly uniting…
England v Denmark: The tabloid newspaper guide to which country is best off the pitch
Thursday’s Euro 2024 match promises to be a belter as tournament favourites England take on…
Attractive female Asian dentist ‘chosen at random’ for TV commercial, says major toothpaste manufacturer
An attractive Asian female dentist has seemingly been chosen at random by a major toothpaste…
Easter Bunny Found Dead
In news that will break the hearts of children up and down the country, NEWS…
Easter ‘just a shit version of Christmas’, say kids
NEWS of the NEWS spoke with a cross-section of Britain’s children and asked them what…