Cows discover cocaine with street value of over £500bn 
F*** this craft beer bollocks 
Happy Herd Immunity Day! 
Middle-class woman worried she’s becoming a Kalms junkie 
England fans once again prove why they’re the best in the world 
New generation of England fans learns meaning of the phrase ‘It’s the hope that kills you’ 
Football didn’t come home 
Welsh, Scots and Northern Irish planning perfectly normal, uneventful Sunday 
Nice guy Gareth Southgate ‘total filth in the bedroom’, alleges former lover 
England v Denmark: We put them head-to-head to find out which country is best off the pitch 
ITV’s Euro 2020 pundits voted ‘most punchable’ 
“Just give us the trophy now”, say measured, unemotional England fans 
Matt Hancock falls on sword, having washed it after aide allegedly ‘fell on it’ repeatedly 
Dancing like a twat whilst holding a national flag guaranteed to get you on TV 
Are you an entitled Tory tosspot? Take our quiz and find out Cows discover cocaine with street value of over £500bn
A herd of dairy cows, known locally for their tasty milk, surprised their owner and…
F*** this craft beer bollocks
Brits have finally had enough of craft beer. That’s the message coming through loud and…
Happy Herd Immunity Day!
NEWS of the NEWS wishes all of its readers a Happy Herd Immunity Day! With…
Middle-class woman worried she’s becoming a Kalms junkie
A middle-class lady from Hale in Cheshire is concerned that she’s developing a life-threatening addiction…
England fans once again prove why they’re the best in the world
In the face of Euro 2020 cup final defeat, England’s band of happy-go-lucky fans once…
New generation of England fans learns meaning of the phrase ‘It’s the hope that kills you’
A whole new generation woke this morning to a sensation that the rest of us…
Football didn’t come home
NEWS of the NEWS is sad to report that football didn’t come home last night….
Welsh, Scots and Northern Irish planning perfectly normal, uneventful Sunday
The people of Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland collectively woke this morning to the expectation…
Nice guy Gareth Southgate ‘total filth in the bedroom’, alleges former lover
He’s the most successful England manager in 55 years, the man almost single-handedly uniting the…
England v Denmark: We put them head-to-head to find out which country is best off the pitch
Tonight’s Euro 2020 semi-final will decide whether it’s England or Denmark that go through to…