Cows discover cocaine with street value of over £500bn 
F*** this craft beer bollocks 
Happy Herd Immunity Day! 
Middle-class woman worried she’s becoming a Kalms junkie 
England fans once again prove why they’re the best in the world 
New generation of England fans learns meaning of the phrase ‘It’s the hope that kills you’ 
Football didn’t come home 
Welsh, Scots and Northern Irish planning perfectly normal, uneventful Sunday 
Nice guy Gareth Southgate ‘total filth in the bedroom’, alleges former lover 
England v Denmark: We put them head-to-head to find out which country is best off the pitch 
ITV’s Euro 2020 pundits voted ‘most punchable’ 
“Just give us the trophy now”, say measured, unemotional England fans 
Matt Hancock falls on sword, having washed it after aide allegedly ‘fell on it’ repeatedly 
Dancing like a twat whilst holding a national flag guaranteed to get you on TV 
Are you an entitled Tory tosspot? Take our quiz and find out President Trump to assume Lizard-like form if he wins second term
NEWS of the NEWS understands that US President, Donald Trump, is making plans to shapeshift…
Populist leaders plan piss-up in brewery
The world’s populist leaders have joined forces to arrange a party at a brewery. NEWS…
Dying for a pint? Reopening of pubs could make that wish come true
The ‘R rate’ might still be close to 1 but that hasn’t stopped the British…
95% of football fans ‘couldn’t give a sh*t’ about Premier League restarting
With the 2019-20 Premier League season set to restart this week, NEWS of the NEWS…
Are you an ANTIFA terrorist? Take the government quiz to find out
Could you be part of a global, left-wing terrorist organisation without even knowing it? That…
Nigel Farage to be pulled down
In a dizzying week that has seen the removal of a number of statues that…
Family with two electric cars also owns woodburner, firepit, barbecue, chiminea and ride-on lawnmower
A family from Cheshire that outwardly appears to be trying to save the planet actually…
Bloke still convinced his stag do will go ahead
A man who excitedly booked his stag do almost 12 months ago and has looked…
President Twunt
What word best describes the President of the United States, Donald Trump? That’s the question…
Children’s Puzzle #2: Where’s Trump?
Hey kids! We know things are quite scary at the moment, what with that nasty…