Stephen Graham to star in every new British TV drama for the next 1,000 years 
World leaders to be replaced by omnipresent QR code 
Brits set to take part in unprecedented number of ‘business meetings’ over Christmas period 
Technology can go f**k itself 
Cows discover cocaine with street value of over £500bn 
F**k this craft beer bollocks 
Happy Herd Immunity Day! 
Middle-class woman worried she’s becoming a Kalms junkie 
England fans once again prove why they’re the best in the world 
New generation of England fans learns meaning of the phrase ‘It’s the hope that kills you’ 
Football didn’t come home 
Welsh, Scots and Northern Irish planning perfectly normal, uneventful Sunday 
Nice guy Gareth Southgate ‘total filth in the bedroom’, alleges former lover 
England v Denmark: We put them head-to-head to find out which country is best off the pitch 
ITV’s Euro 2020 pundits voted ‘most punchable’ Smelly Shitmas!
The festive season is rapidly approaching and throughout the country people are waking up to…
Rudy Giuliani to play ‘Ghost of Accelerated Cognitive Decline’ in A Christmas Carol adaptation
NEWS of the NEWS understands that the former Mayor of New York and current attorney…
New Coronavirus vaccine has 99% effectiveness but needs to be stored in treacle on the moon
There was further positive news today with reports of a vaccine that has a 99%…
God congratulates Joe Biden on election victory
In a move that has angered Trump supporters, God took the unprecedented step yesterday of…
President Trump to assume Lizard-like form if he wins second term
NEWS of the NEWS understands that US President, Donald Trump, is making plans to shapeshift…
Populist leaders plan piss-up in brewery
The world’s populist leaders have joined forces to arrange a party at a brewery. NEWS…
Dying for a pint? Reopening of pubs could make that wish come true
The ‘R rate’ might still be close to 1 but that hasn’t stopped the British…
95% of football fans ‘couldn’t give a sh*t’ about Premier League restarting
With the 2019-20 Premier League season set to restart this week, NEWS of the NEWS…
Are you an ANTIFA terrorist? Take the government quiz to find out
Could you be part of a global, left-wing terrorist organisation without even knowing it? That…
Nigel Farage to be pulled down
In a dizzying week that has seen the removal of a number of statues that…