World leaders to be replaced by omnipresent QR code 
Cars to run on Fabergé eggs in bid to cut the cost of motoring 
Easter Bunny Found Dead 
Easter ‘just a shit version of Christmas’, say kids 
Ed Sheeran denies ‘borrowing’ lyrics from other artists, telling fans: “Don’t stop believin’…” 
Why paying £12m to a complete stranger is a victory, by Prince Andrew’s lawyers 
Bloke who secretly despises his job receives cufflinks, pen and a tie-clip for his birthday 
Stephen Graham to star in every new British TV drama for the next 1,000 years 
Brits set to take part in unprecedented number of ‘business meetings’ over Christmas period 
Technology can go f**k itself 
Cows discover cocaine with street value of over £500bn 
F**k this craft beer bollocks 
Happy Herd Immunity Day! 
Middle-class woman worried she’s becoming a Kalms junkie 
England fans once again prove why they’re the best in the world Put Spain on the f***ing green list, says Britain
Following the Spanish government’s recent announcement that British tourists can visit the country without taking…
Sleaze-ridden Tory government to take moral high ground when reviewing the BBC
The UK government is expected to announce sweeping reforms of the BBC once an ongoing…
Cummings: “It weren’t me, guv”
The former Chief Advisor to the Prime Minister, Dominic Cummings, has today been interviewed by…
Farmer with itchy trigger-finger, desperate to shoot your dog
A farmer who owns land that includes a number of public footpaths is looking for…
Hand sanitiser causes cancer, say scientists
As if life wasn’t tough enough, a team of German scientists released a controversial report…
Vegan at Christmas party waits 3 minutes before mentioning her dietary preferences, breaking previous world record
A woman from South London has set a new world record after waiting almost three…
Smelly Shitmas!
The festive season is rapidly approaching and throughout the country people are waking up to…
Rudy Giuliani to play ‘Ghost of Accelerated Cognitive Decline’ in A Christmas Carol adaptation
NEWS of the NEWS understands that the former Mayor of New York and current attorney…
New Coronavirus vaccine has 99% effectiveness but needs to be stored in treacle on the moon
There was further positive news today with reports of a vaccine that has a 99%…
God congratulates Joe Biden on election victory
In a move that has angered Trump supporters, God took the unprecedented step yesterday of…