Vegan at Christmas party waits 3 minutes before mentioning her dietary preferences, breaking previous world record 
Smelly Shitmas! 
Rudy Giuliani to play ‘Ghost of Accelerated Cognitive Decline’ in ‘A Christmas Carol’ adaptation 
New Coronavirus vaccine has 99% effectiveness but needs to be stored in treacle on the moon 
God congratulates Joe Biden on election victory 
President Trump to assume Lizard-like form if he wins second term 
Populist Leaders Plan Piss-Up In Brewery 
Dying for a pint? Reopening of pubs could make that wish come true 
95% of football fans ‘couldn’t give a sh*t’ about Premier League restarting 
Are you an ANTIFA terrorist? Take the government quiz to find out 
Nigel Farage to be pulled down 
Family with two electric cars also owns woodburner, firepit, barbecue, chiminea and ride-on lawnmower 
Bloke still convinced his stag do will go ahead 
President Twunt 
Children’s Puzzle #2: Where’s Trump? Danny Dyer To Open His Private Petting Zoo To The Public
TV hard man Danny Dyer has announced that he will be opening up his private…
Putting Out The Recycling Now The Most Embarrassing Activity Of The Week
The simple act of putting out the recycling, once just a mundane part of domestic…
TV Pundits Vote Liverpool FC “Greatest Football Club Of All Time”
Following much deliberation, football pundits past and present from the likes of Sky, BT Sport…
We’re All Living Inside ‘The Matrix’ Say Scientists… And David Icke
In a report that is sending shock waves around the globe, a team of scientists…
Sky TV Confirms: No Evidence of Top-Flight Football Pre-1992
Following a month-long investigation Sky TV has announced that it can find no evidence of…
Amazon Officially Confirmed As The UK’s 5th Emergency Service
In surprising news, the UK government has announced that retail giant Amazon is to be…
“Christ, it’s nearly May!” Says Britain
Britain has woken this morning to the sudden realisation that it’s nearly May. Trudy Smith…
President Trump ‘Just A Nice Guy Who Wants To Play With Puppies All Day’
In news that is likely to shock the world, NEWS of the NEWS can reveal…
Lockdown Britain “Smelly and Pissed“ Says Report
It’s official, Britain is now dirtier and drunker than it has been for hundreds of…
Bibles To Include Images Of President Trump As Anti-Christ
In a surprising ‘revelation’, pictures of President Trump are to be included in all future…