September 20, 2021

Stephen Graham to star in every new British TV drama for the next 1,000 years


TV execs have announced that the star of Line of Duty and countless other popular shows, Stephen Graham, is henceforth to feature in every drama series for the next millennium.

A producer at ITV told our reporters:


“Stephen’s domination of terrestrial visual media is complete. We thought about trying different actors but, frankly, couldn’t be arsed.”


NEWS of the NEWS approached Mr Graham’s representatives for comment but were informed that they were “too busy helping him count all the money”.