Dying for a pint? Reopening of pubs could make that wish come true 
95% of football fans ‘couldn’t give a sh*t’ about Premier League restarting 
Are you an ANTIFA terrorist? Take the government quiz to find out 
Nigel Farage to be pulled down 
Family with two electric cars also owns woodburner, firepit, barbecue, chiminea and ride-on lawnmower 
Bloke still convinced his stag do will go ahead 
President Twunt 
Children’s Puzzle #2: Where’s Trump? 
We wrote article three years ago that predicted Cummings would write article predicting pandemic 
If we’ve lied about Cummings it doesn’t mean we lied about Brexit, says Boris 
British public ditches Government advice and decides herd immunity is way forward 
Competition: Win A Family Day Out At Barnard Castle 
Dominic F***ing Cummings 
Trump supporters have higher IQs, claims President 
Keir Starmer owns a field and that’s a bad thing, apparently Government Admits It Moved Daily Virus Briefing To 5pm Or Later To “Scare The Living Sh*t Out Of You”
After much speculation the UK government has admitted that it changed the time of its…
“Look At My Latest Tik-Tok” Amongst Parents’ Top 3 Most Dreaded Phrases
Britain’s parents have confirmed that, even in the midst of a pandemic, the threat of…
Manatees “Just Dolphins With Down’s Syndrome” Claims Scientist
In science news, the controversial zoologist Helmut von Schittsberg has claimed that the manatee –…
Middle Class Woman “Traumatised” After Exercising Without Wearing Fitness Tracker
43 year old Finance Manager, Anna Hancock, told NEWS of the NEWS, “I’d taken my…
“Nice Guy Driving A BMW” Actually Normal Bloke Borrowing W***** Boss’s Car
Following reports from Wilmslow of a BMW driver allowing other motorists to pull out in…