Stephen Graham to star in every new British TV drama for the next 1,000 years 
Technology can go f**k itself 
Cows discover cocaine with street value of over £500bn 
F**k this craft beer bollocks 
Happy Herd Immunity Day! 
Middle-class woman worried she’s becoming a Kalms junkie 
England fans once again prove why they’re the best in the world 
New generation of England fans learns meaning of the phrase ‘It’s the hope that kills you’ 
Football didn’t come home 
Welsh, Scots and Northern Irish planning perfectly normal, uneventful Sunday 
Nice guy Gareth Southgate ‘total filth in the bedroom’, alleges former lover 
England v Denmark: We put them head-to-head to find out which country is best off the pitch 
ITV’s Euro 2020 pundits voted ‘most punchable’ 
“Just give us the trophy now”, say measured, unemotional England fans 
Matt Hancock falls on sword, having washed it after aide allegedly ‘fell on it’ repeatedly Government’s popularity surges amongst golfers with nannies
Following a week in which members of the British public increasingly voiced their criticism of…
Britain’s Biggest Lockdown Cravings: Draught Guinness and Dogging
NEWS of the NEWS asked the British public to tell us what they were missing…
Agreeing With Piers Morgan A Symptom Of Coronavirus, Confirms Government
In news that will come as a shock to large swathes of the British public,…
Children’s Puzzle #1: Where’s Corona?
Hey kids, our wonderful Prime Minister, Mr. Johnson, says that because you’ve all been so…
Dog Mistaken For Boris Johnson
In news that is likely to embarrass the government, NEWS of the NEWS understands that…
Government’s Latest Advice: Do What The F*ck You Like
The Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, has released a pre-recorded message which included updated advice on…
“Sun Same Distance From Earth As Yesterday Yet Today It’s Freezing”, Says Baffled Britain
After a significant period of warm weather, Britain woke up cold and confused this morning….
Danny Dyer To Open His Private Petting Zoo To The Public
TV hard man Danny Dyer has announced that he will be opening up his private…
Putting Out The Recycling Now The Most Embarrassing Activity Of The Week
The simple act of putting out the recycling, once just a mundane part of domestic…
TV Pundits Vote Liverpool FC “Greatest Football Club Of All Time”
Following much deliberation, football pundits past and present from the likes of Sky, BT Sport…