April 24, 2024

Pescatarians to be reclassified as ‘fussy carnivores’

In a move that aims to redefine the eating habits of over 1.3m people in the UK, NEWS of the NEWS understands that pescatarians will in future be referred to as ‘fussy carnivores’ or ‘arbitrary meat-eaters’.

The decision has angered many, with some fish-eaters suggesting that they are being ridiculed by the proposed change.

Anna Perch from Kendal told us: “Frankly this is embarrassing. It suggests that the stance I take against eating the meat of an animal, with the exception of fish obviously, is meaningless.”

Chris Pike from Oswestry was similarly annoyed: “When I stopped eating meat it was almost impossible to get vegetarian food so I kept on eating fish. Just because it’s now ridiculously easy to get a plant-based meal, I don’t see why my efforts over the last twenty years – during which I’ve avoided meat and instead eaten fish for breakfast, dinner and tea – should be dismissed.”

Jenni Bass from Sittingbourne agrees: “I love animals and could never eat one because I care about them too much. Obviously I eat fish but it’s not the same, is it? I never did like meat, if I’m honest. I just didn’t like the texture. I’d rather have smoked haddock or a tasty bream any day of the week!”