April 24, 2024

Welsh, Scots and Northern Irish planning perfectly normal, uneventful Sunday

The people of Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland collectively woke this morning to the expectation of it being just another boring Sunday.

Brian Wallace from Perth told us:

“I’m not sure why you’re interviewing me if I’m honest. It’s just another Sunday in July and nothing even remotely special is happening. I’m thinking of mowing the lawn and if I’m lucky I might play nine holes at my local golf course. That’s pretty much it.”

Mary Fitch from Derry had a similar story to tell us:

“You want to know what I’m doing today? I’m not sure why you’re asking as it’s just a very ordinary Sunday here in Derry without anything of consequence occurring. However, I can confirm that I’ll be cleaning the house, cooking a roast dinner and doing a Sudoku or two in the evening. Is that OK with you or do you need to know my bra size and PIN number too?”

Gwyn Lewis from Caernarfon was similarly perplexed by our question:

“What am I doing today? You drove all the way here to ask me that? I suppose I’ll be doing what I usually do on a perfectly bog-standard, nothing-to-see-here Sunday which is walking my dogs on the beach, cleaning the car and then having a nice lamb dinner at my sister’s. Oh yes, I nearly forgot, I’m also really looking forward to eight o’clock this evening. There’s a lovely programme on BBC2 about wildlife in Asia. That should be good. Now fuck off back to London you smug English prick!”