August 3, 2021

Prime Minister’s opinion of Matt Hancock switches from “f***ing useless” to “dirty dog”

Following the revelation that government Health Secretary, Matt Hancock, had an affair with long-time friend and aide Gina Coladangelo, Prime Minister Boris Johnson has spoken to journalists on the matter.

The PM told assembled press:

“It was recently reported that at some point last year I had referred to Matt in somewhat derogatory terms. I don’t deny that, in the heat of our battle against Covid, I may have unfairly criticised him but I wanted to take this opportunity to put the record straight. I now realise that he is in fact a real bloke, a geezer, and a dirty dog of the highest order. Hats off to him for using the limited amount of power he has to pull such an incredibly high calibre bit of skirt. I never knew he had it in him and, as a kindred spirit, I doff my players’ cap to him, the filthy rascal!”