May 18, 2024

Conservative Party members face difficult decision of choosing between man with brown skin and lying simpleton  

With the number of candidates vying to be the next leader of the Conservative Party and, by default, Prime Minister, down to just two, party members now face the difficult task of choosing between them. 

As the actual policies, as put forward by Rishi Sunak and Liz Truss, appear to be very similar, NEWS of the NEWS understands that many party members are considering more basic distinctions when deciding the fate of the country. 

Mrs Rita Butterworth from Buckinghamshire summed up this dilemma, telling our reporters: 

“Look, I know Liz Truss is from up north; was a Remainer before inexplicably becoming vehemently pro-Brexit; appears to have no grasp whatsoever of economics – or very much else for that matter – was an integral part of the highly embarrassing Johnson regime, and appears to have the IQ of a wafer biscuit but, you know, there’s just something I don’t like about that Rishi fellow. I can’t exactly put my finger on what it is but he (cough) makes me feel a bit… uneasy.”

An early poll of party members suggests that Mrs Butterworth is not alone, with 65% agreeing that the ‘indefinable something’ they associate with Mr Sunak means they will probably vote for Ms Truss.