Easter Bunny Found Dead 
Easter ‘just a shit version of Christmas’, say kids 
Premier League to introduce green cards, allowing referees to instantly grant foreign players permanent UK residency and working rights 
Woman literally cannot drink water unless it’s from a Gymshark bottle 
Scientists confirm most hotel beds 95% semen 
World leaders to be replaced by omnipresent QR code 
Disney+ to air 24 part series chronicling the exploits of Chewbacca’s left testicle 
New sitcom about farcical football club actually just documentary about Everton FC 
Woman who just got back from a run desperate to tell you the route she took 
Amazon introduces breathalyser to prevent ‘pissed-up purchasing’ 
BBC TV presenter accused of having a private life, doing things that were completely legal, and generally acting in a way that had zero effect on viewers 
Bloke watching women’s athletics on TV definitely not looking at their tits or fannies 
“What d’ya mean, it’s just a normal weekend?”, says Britain 
New York jury finds Trump guilty of being himself 
Ed Sheeran denies ‘borrowing’ lyrics from other artists, telling fans: “Don’t stop believin’…” Government’s popularity surges amongst golfers with nannies
Following a week in which members of the British public increasingly voiced their criticism of…
Britain’s Biggest Lockdown Cravings: Draught Guinness and Dogging
NEWS of the NEWS asked the British public to tell us what they were missing…
Agreeing With Piers Morgan A Symptom Of Coronavirus, Confirms Government
In news that will come as a shock to large swathes of the British public,…
Children’s Puzzle #1: Where’s Corona?
Hey kids, our wonderful Prime Minister, Mr. Johnson, says that because you’ve all been so…
Dog Mistaken For Boris Johnson
In news that is likely to embarrass the government, NEWS of the NEWS understands that…
Government’s Latest Advice: Do What The F*ck You Like
The Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, has released a pre-recorded message which included updated advice on…
“Sun Same Distance From Earth As Yesterday Yet Today It’s Freezing”, Says Baffled Britain
After a significant period of warm weather, Britain woke up cold and confused this morning….
Danny Dyer To Open His Private Petting Zoo To The Public
TV hard man Danny Dyer has announced that he will be opening up his private…
Putting Out The Recycling Now The Most Embarrassing Activity Of The Week
The simple act of putting out the recycling, once just a mundane part of domestic…
TV Pundits Vote Liverpool FC “Greatest Football Club Of All Time”
Following much deliberation, football pundits past and present from the likes of Sky, BT Sport…