October 1, 2020

Government’s popularity surges amongst golfers with nannies

Following a week in which members of the British public increasingly voiced their criticism of the government’s pandemic response, NEWS of the NEWS can report that its popularity has surged with a very specific demographic:

Golfers with nannies.

Giles Ecclestone, a company director from Buckinghamshire, told our reporters:

“I don’t understand how anybody could criticise the government’s handling of the Coronavirus crisis. They’ve been very clear in confirming that I can now play golf and that our nanny can return to work. I’m not sure how much clearer they could have been.”

Penny Lampstone, also a company director, this time from Hertfordshire, agreed:

“Boris Johnson has laid out a very clear roadmap for Britain. People seem to be focusing on the negatives like the number of deaths or the chances of being infected rather than on the fact that I can now play golf and that our nanny is back at work.”

Anthony Webb, another company director from the Home Counties, was even more succinct when describing his reasons for supporting the government’s COVID-19 policy. He told our reporters:

“Golf. Nannies.”