Easter Bunny Found Dead 
Easter ‘just a shit version of Christmas’, say kids 
Premier League to introduce green cards, allowing referees to instantly grant foreign players permanent UK residency and working rights 
Woman literally cannot drink water unless it’s from a Gymshark bottle 
Scientists confirm most hotel beds 95% semen 
World leaders to be replaced by omnipresent QR code 
Disney+ to air 24 part series chronicling the exploits of Chewbacca’s left testicle 
New sitcom about farcical football club actually just documentary about Everton FC 
Woman who just got back from a run desperate to tell you the route she took 
Amazon introduces breathalyser to prevent ‘pissed-up purchasing’ 
BBC TV presenter accused of having a private life, doing things that were completely legal, and generally acting in a way that had zero effect on viewers 
Bloke watching women’s athletics on TV definitely not looking at their tits or fannies 
“What d’ya mean, it’s just a normal weekend?”, says Britain 
New York jury finds Trump guilty of being himself 
Ed Sheeran denies ‘borrowing’ lyrics from other artists, telling fans: “Don’t stop believin’…” Bloke still convinced his stag do will go ahead
A man who excitedly booked his stag do almost 12 months ago and has looked…
President Twunt
What word best describes the President of the United States, Donald Trump? That’s the question…
Children’s Puzzle #2: Where’s Trump?
Hey kids! We know things are quite scary at the moment, what with that nasty…
We wrote article three years ago that predicted Cummings would write article predicting pandemic
NEWS of the NEWS can confirm that it did indeed publish an article three years…
If we’ve lied about Cummings it doesn’t mean we lied about Brexit, says Boris
Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, took the unusual step today of pre-empting a potential accusation that…
British public ditches Government advice and decides herd immunity is way forward
In reaction to the government’s shifting and, some would argue, vague pandemic advice, the British…
Competition: Win A Family Day Out At Barnard Castle
NEWS of the NEWS is excited to offer its readers the chance to win a…
Dominic F***ing Cummings
Controversial Government strategist, Dominic Cummings, found himself in hot water today when it was revealed…
Trump supporters have higher IQs, claims President
At a White House press conference yesterday, President Trump boldly speculated that his supporters were…
Keir Starmer owns a field and that’s a bad thing, apparently
There was a shocking revelation at the weekend as NEWS of the NEWS learned that…