September 20, 2021

Londoners trial e-scooter scheme that makes them look like ‘right twats’

London is the latest UK city to trial an e-scooter programme which allows members of the public to rent the environmentally friendly mode of transport.

It is one of 30 UK areas trialling the scheme which allows fully grown men and women to scoot around British streets like tartrazine-fuelled toddlers.

Elliott Newbury from London told us: “I was curious about the project so thought I’d give it a go. I must admit that I enjoyed myself at first but quickly realised that most of the people in the street looked like they were smirking. It was then that I caught my reflection in a shop window and realised that I looked like a right twat!”

Mel Rashid from Fulham shared those sentiments: “At first the kid in me was really excited at the prospect of zooming around London on an e-scooter. The novelty wore off after about 5 minutes when it dawned on me that I was 36, dressed in a business suit and wearing a helmet. I won’t lie, I looked a right twat!”

Chris Bird from Ealing told our reporters that, despite their impressive technology and ease of use, he would not consider using one of the scooters. He had this to say: “Have you seen those idiots on the electric scooters? You wouldn’t get me on one of those if you paid me. I’m not gonna lie, they look like right twats!”