Amazon Officially Confirmed As The UK’s 5th Emergency Service
In surprising news, the UK government has announced that retail giant Amazon is to be…
Lifestyle
“Christ, it’s nearly May!” Says Britain
Britain has woken this morning to the sudden realisation that it’s nearly May. Trudy Smith…
Lockdown Britain “Smelly and Pissed“ Says Report
It’s official, Britain is now dirtier and drunker than it has been for hundreds of…
Runners Immune To Covid-19, Assume Runners
It’s official, Britain’s runners are immune to Coronavirus. That’s according to… Britain’s runners! NEWS of…
Easter Weekend Indistinguishable From Any Other Period During Lockdown
What have you been doing this weekend? The chances are that your answer is likely…
Social Distancing The Perfect Excuse For Anti-Social Brits
Most of us are following the government’s advice on social distancing and keeping at least…
Easter Just “Sh*t Version Of Christmas” Say Kids
NEWS of the NEWS spoke with a cross-section of Britain’s children and asked them what…
Petrol Only £1 Per Litre (But You Can’t Use It To Go Anywhere)
News of a huge drop in the price of fuel has been greeted with delight…
“Don’t F****** Cough!” says Britain.
“That’s right, don’t you dare f****** cough!” That’s the message the British public is giving…
“Look At My Latest Tik-Tok” Amongst Parents’ Top 3 Most Dreaded Phrases
Britain’s parents have confirmed that, even in the midst of a pandemic, the threat of…