December 8, 2021

F**k this craft beer bollocks

Brits have finally had enough of craft beer. That’s the message coming through loud and clear following a NEWS of the NEWS survey of its readers.


Steve Lester from Kendal told us:

“At first craft beer was a welcome change from the mainstream fizzy piss being served in most pubs. The flavours seemed interesting and the names of the beers and the breweries that made them were quirky and fun. It made you feel like you were part of some exciting underground movement, a bit like the rave scene back in the 90s. I’ve just come to my senses though and now realise that by the third pint I always feel sleepy and dehydrated and that the whole thing is an expensive con.”


Chris Walker from Jarrow echoed those sentiments:

“Intitially I was really into craft beer. I would research the various breweries and during lockdown I literally had boxes of the stuff delivered to my house. Over time I’ve realised that beer isn’t meant to be flavoured with things like tzatziki as it just tastes like you’ve thrown up in your mouth. Similarly, fruit flavoured beers taste like you swigged a glass of Tango before pouring the beer in. Frankly it’s namby-pamby bollocks masquerading as a drink for the common man.”


Colin Sullivan agrees:

“Craft beer isn’t filtered, unlike normal beer and they act like that’s a good thing. Have you ever drunk unfiltered water? It’s basically like sticking your head in the canal and taking a gulp and the same goes for craft beer. I’m back on the fucking Stella from Monday.”