October 18, 2021

“Just give us the trophy now”, say measured, unemotional England fans

England football fans are 100% certain of their team winning Euro 2020. That is the message coming through loud and clear as we approach Saturday’s quarter final game against Ukraine.

Steve Churchill from Swindon told NEWS of the NEWS: 

“It’s 100% nailed on that we’re going to get to the final and win. You can feel it in the air. Everyone knows it, including the other countries. They should just give us the trophy now and be done with it.”

Harry Bull from Reading is equally convinced that England will triumph. He told us: 

“We’re amazing, everyone else is shit. Why? We just are, aren’t we? Yes, I know we’ve only scored four goals compared to Spain’s eleven, Italy’s nine and Belgium’s eight – and that we’ve also had far fewer attempts on goal than any of those teams – but putting statistics to one side, we’re clearly still the best team in the tournament.”

Chris Briton from Luton agrees:

“Look, I know we’ve got as far as the semi-finals before but this is very, very different. I can’t give you any specific reason as to why but it just is, take my word for it, and I’ll fight anyone who says otherwise. En-gerrr-laaaaaaand!”