April 24, 2024

F**k me it’s hot, says Britain 

For once, the much-divided people of Britain have a genuine reason to unite as temperatures across the country soar to record levels.

NEWS of the NEWS understands that Brits are already rehearsing the seasonal clichés that will be trotted out over the next 48 or so hours, at least until normality is restored and it starts pissing it down again. 

Sid Butcher from London kicked things off for us this morning. He told our reporter: “It’s always either too hot or too cold in this country. Why can’t we have something in-between that we can actually enjoy?”

Brenda Monk from Brighton added to our heatwave bingo tally, saying: “We really need a break in the weather, don’t we? This sunshine is playing havoc with my lawn.”

Chris Barrett from Folkestone rounded things off nicely for us with the perennial favourite: “It was nearly as hot as this in 1976 but we didn’t go on about it. In fact it made us stronger as a nation.”