Manatees “Just Dolphins With Down’s Syndrome” Claims Scientist

In science news, the controversial zoologist Helmut von Schittsberg has claimed that the manatee – a gentle aquatic mammal – is not a distinct species but a type of dolphin. 

In his article for the science magazine ‘We Are Gods’ von Schittsberg argues that until now nobody had compared the number of chromosomes carried by a manatee to those of a dolphin.

He went on to reveal that, following his own research, he’d established that manatees had one chromosome more than dolphins. “Dis obviously means dat dey are da same creature”, said von Schittsberg, “but dat der manatee is just, how do you say it… special!”

Mainstream scientists have ridiculed von Schittsberg’s claims and pointed to his now discredited 2012 article which speculated that ferrets were “just ‘spazzy’ otters.”