July 14, 2024

Easter Weekend Indistinguishable From Any Other Period During Lockdown

What have you been doing this weekend? The chances are that your answer is likely to be very similar to the one you would have given us at any time during the last few weeks.

Anne-Marie Clooney from Leatherhead summed it up, “Yesterday I ate chocolates, drank wine and watched rubbish on the TV. That’s basically any day during lockdown.”

Chris Kirkham from Faversham agreed. He told our reporters, “Bank Holidays have always been a bit of a novelty in our house. You know, a few drinks, some nice food and maybe a trip out somewhere. This year I jet-washed the patio for the second time in as many weeks and started drinking at about 2 o’clock. I had to switch to Baileys by 7.30 as we’d run out of wine.”

Kate Lipson from Sunderland described the alcohol-infused monotony that many of us are experiencing as the days start to blur together. “On Easter Sunday I ate four full-sized chocolate eggs, six hot cross buns and drank three bottles of wine. If you think that sounds like a novel way to spend the day then you’re wrong. Last Wednesday I ate every bag of crisps in the house and downed two litres of vodka… and that was before tea time. These are the only things that are getting me through life at the moment”, she sighed. “And that Joe Wicks can f*** off too!”