August 10, 2020

Petrol Only £1 Per Litre (But You Can’t Use It To Go Anywhere)

News of a huge drop in the price of fuel has been greeted with delight by the UK’s motorists.

Unfortunately that reaction was short lived when it was realised that, due to the current lockdown rules, you would probably get fined or arrested if you ventured out for a drive.

Trisha Hayes from Crapstone in Dorset told NEWS of the NEWS reporters: “It’s sunny outside, fuel is relatively cheap and I’ve got time to kill. I can’t think of anything better than taking my little Peugeot convertible for a spin in the country. I won’t of course as I totally agree that we all need to do our bit. That and the police in our town keep doing random stop-checks.”

Some drivers are more tempted to break government rules though. Speaking on the condition of anonymity, a motorist from 36 Elm Close, Wangley in Essex told reporters that he intended to take his convertible BMW M4 out for ‘a good spanking’ regardless. “It’s not like I’m getting out of the car, is it?” he said, “And the speed I’ll be going I won’t be in close proximity to other drivers for very long!”