July 11, 2020

“Christ, it’s nearly May!” Says Britain

Britain has woken this morning to the sudden realisation that it’s nearly May.

Trudy Smith from Tenby told NEWS of the NEWS:

“I know it’s been sunny and everything but in my head it was still the beginning of the year. To be honest I’m struggling to know what day it is at the moment but still… May!”

Kevin Gibson from Blackpool agrees:

“This lockdown thing does make it difficult to track the days, what with everything blurring into one, but I’m still finding it hard to believe that it’s almost May. That’s a third of the year gone already isn’t it? F*ck me!”

Helen Parker from Exeter echoed their sentiments, telling our reporter:

“I had big plans for 2020. I was going to lose half a stone, start taking taekwondo classes and spend Spring and Summer out and about with my friends. Thanks to lockdown all I’ve done is watch sh*t on Netflix, get pissed and expand to the point where I can only wear baggy shorts or jogging pants… and now I find out it’s nearly May. Utter f*cking bastard!”

Are you surprised it’s nearly May or had you seen it coming? Let us know.