July 12, 2020

Danny Dyer To Open His Private Petting Zoo To The Public

TV hard man Danny Dyer has announced that he will be opening up his private Epping Forest-based petting zoo to the public.

The 42 year old Eastenders star told NEWS of the NEWS: “This lockdown thing’s been really tough, right. If it hadn’t been for the fact that I had me own private petting zoo then I would’ve gone off me nut.”

So why did Dyer decide to open it up to the public? “Well it got me thinking”, he explained. “There’s probably tons of birds and geezers out there who, like me, are finding that this lockdown thing is totally doing their melons in. Little kiddies too. I just wanted to give them something to look forward to if I’m honest.”

Dyer’s zoo can’t open to the public until the Government relaxes current rules but he is putting everything in place in anticipation.

“I can’t f*cking wait”, he told us. “I’ve got this goat who’s an absolute diamond. Really, really funny c*nt with square pupils and everything. And I’ve got this blinding alpaca that just wants to eat from your ‘and all day. Everyone’ll love ‘em. The best bit though is the rabbit farm. Stroking them little bleeders got me through many a dark moment I can tell you. Once we open this place up to the public the little cherubs and their parents are gonna f*cking eat it up!”