July 14, 2024

Populist leaders plan piss-up in brewery

The world’s populist leaders have joined forces to arrange a party at a brewery.

NEWS of the NEWS understands that US President Donald Trump and UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson will be working with the likes of Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro, Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orbán and Russian President Vladimir Putin to put on, in President Trump’s words: “the biggest, most fantastic, most amazing party the world has seen… ever in its history”.

The event, which is scheduled to take place at an Anheuser-Busch brewery in the United States next month, is thought to have been the result of a telephone conversation between Presidents Bolsonaro and Trump during which they both boasted of making anything they are involved in the best of its kind.

Our reporters understand that, despite the confidence being shown by the various leaders, things are not going according to plan. 

Firstly, the venue they have chosen is in the US state of Connecticut which currently limits the number of people that can assemble at any given time.

Worse still, each world leader is seemingly insistent on following their own plans for the function which is making organising the event very diificult indeed. NEWS of the NEWS understands that this has so far delayed such basics as creating a guest list, issuing invites and ordering glasses. President Trump is also insisting on sitting alongside President Putin throughout the day.

Notwithstanding these challenges, an upbeat Boris Johnson told assembled reporters:

“As President Trump has quite rightly said, this will be a tremendous party. Between us we are trying to agree an order to events which is proving a little challenging at the moment. We are after all some of the most strong willed people on the planet! I am also aware of the irony that we are struggling to arrange an event that will serve copious amounts of alcohol at a venue that is primarily used as a brewery. You don’t need to point that out and I think we should move on rather than focusing on that particular coincidence.”