September 19, 2020

President Trump to assume Lizard-like form if he wins second term

NEWS of the NEWS understands that US President, Donald Trump, is making plans to shapeshift into his true reptilian form if he wins November’s election.

A White House spokesperson told our reporters:

“The President has always made it clear that, in his opinion, he could shoot someone on 5th Avenue and get away with it. He now wants to raise the bar by proving that he can assume the form of a trans-dimensional Lizard-man, gorge on the souls of innocent Americans and get away with that too.”

We asked the spokesman how the President believes he can get away with such an audacious plan: “Simple”, he told us, “Jared Kushner shapeshifted over two years ago and nobody even noticed.”