August 5, 2020

Trump Accidentally Tells Truth

Washington DC: The White House was in disarray yesterday after reports suggesting that the President ‘told the truth’.

NEWS of the NEWS understands that Mr Trump was taking part in a video call to discuss the government’s ongoing response to the Coronavirus crisis.

When asked whether his administration could have acted sooner in order to delay the spread of the virus the President, who had been distracted by a tray of donuts, responded: “Probably”.

White House staff were quick to react to the gaffe, releasing a statement to the media around noon which read: “It has been brought to our attention that during a meeting earlier today the President may have inadvertently spoken the truth. We want to reassure Americans that his words were taken out of context and that this administration’s relationship with honesty will continue down the same path that it has trodden over the past four years.”

The press release came as a relief to many conservatives, including Nate Tucker, spokesman for one of the President’s most loyal groups of followers, the ‘Republican Association of Conservative Iowans Supporting Trump’. Tucker told NEWS of the NEWS: “On behalf of our organization I would like to thank the White House for its clarification. We did not choose to back Donald Trump so that we could hear him tell the truth. We support him because he takes a sledgehammer to liberal notions such as ‘honesty’ and ‘facts’.”

A senior White House aide, speaking on the condition of anonymity, told NEWS of the NEWS: “For the last four years this administration has embraced a scorched-earth policy toward the truth. If the President was to deviate from that now it could have a disastrous effect on his chances of re-election in November.”

Whilst visibly shaken in the moments following the gaffe, the President soon got back on message. Reports suggest that during a mid-afternoon video conference with a pro-Trump women’s group he claimed to be the stuntman responsible for the water-skiing acrobatics in the disappointing 1980s sequel ‘Jaws 3’ and, more outlandishly, that he was the inventor of broccoli.

We are committed to unearthing the stories that matter. Should the President tell the truth in future, NEWS of the NEWS promises to report his words in full.