Technology can go f**k itself
We’ve all enjoyed the benefits of rapidly developing technology. Computers that can spot the early…
Year: 2021
Cows discover cocaine with street value of over £500bn
A herd of dairy cows, known locally for their tasty milk, surprised their owner and…
F**k this craft beer bollocks
Brits have finally had enough of craft beer. That’s the message coming through loud and…
Happy Herd Immunity Day!
NEWS of the NEWS wishes all of its readers a Happy Herd Immunity Day! With…
Middle-class woman worried she’s becoming a Kalms junkie
A middle-class lady from Hale in Cheshire is concerned that she’s developing a life-threatening addiction…
England fans once again prove why they’re the best in the world
In the face of Euro 2020 cup final defeat, England’s band of happy-go-lucky fans once…
New generation of England fans learns meaning of the phrase ‘It’s the hope that kills you’
A whole new generation woke this morning to a sensation that the rest of us…
Welsh, Scots and Northern Irish planning perfectly normal, uneventful Sunday
The people of Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland collectively woke this morning to the expectation…
ITV’s Euro 2020 pundits voted ‘most punchable’
An online poll conducted by NEWS of the NEWS has concluded that ITV’s main football…
“Just give us the trophy now”, say measured, unemotional England fans
England football fans are 100% certain of their team winning Euro 2020. That is the…